Knottie's Niche» US Army

“An Ugly Pair of Shoes”

Knottie — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:31:51 +0000

“An Ugly Pair of Shoes”

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

Pokey and the Packers…

Knottie — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:24:08 +0000

Sitting here watching the Green Bay Packers play I can’t help but think about Micheal. The last night we spent with Micheal we watched the Packers play. Oct.7^th 2007 They played the Bears.. I can’t remember who won. I just remember he and his Dad and his brothers in my dad’s living room on the edge of the couch watching the game.

Many months later his team Leader Sgt W would tell me that during playoff in Jan. 08 he was up in the middle of the night alone watching TV..

“Hey Phillips, why aren’t you sleeping?”

“It’s the Packers”

As if that explained everything.

I laughed when the story was told me. I can see him alone in the TV room at the FOB in Iraq watching the playoff game.. yelling at the play. Micheal was such a huge Packer fan. I guess that comes from the years of living in Green Bay just a few blocks from Lambeau field. And I am sure watching them play was a connection to home for him.

Honestly there is not much in life that doesn’t in some way bring back a memory or remind me of Micheal but certain things really open the flood gates of emotions and make the emptiness and missing him palatable. Most of the time I can watch the Packers and be ok. Tonight however I miss Micheal very much. I wish he was here with me yelling at the TV and cheering the Packers on.

In an odd way watching the Packers play is a small connection to Micheal no one can ever take from me. Someday I will go back to Green Bay and watch the Packers play live. Not sure how but when I do I will find a way to honor Micheal and leave his mark on Lambeau field.

Go Pack Go.

Footnote:

It just occurred to me.. I am going to ask the Packers to all wear a rubberband on their wrist in memory of Pokey and all his Fallen brothers during one game this season.

They’re Here (Updated)

Knottie — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 02:06:18 +0000

You may read this and think I am insane or that the grief has finally pushed me over the edge but I feel I have to share this story.

Last night through the men and families of the Company my son served with and I have adopted as my extended family I found out we had lost two of ours. I will not post the names yet as the Dept. of Defense hasn’t made those names public. I wouldn’t discuss their death except I know the families have been officially notified.

To say this news upset me is an understatement. My heart broke at the news, for those two men, for their families, for their brothers in arms and for this nation. Having heard this news through the Army family grapevine I prayed it was a rumor that the news was exaggerated. I held on to hope they were only injured. Well this morning I read that 5 NATO troops had been killed in Afghanistan yesterday, two of them US Army. This news report and word from those in the company in Afghanistan confirmed what I knew.

I read this news on the AP wire and walked away from my computer to accept it. As soon as had I stepped away from the computer having read this I heard Micheal’s voice clearly say “They’re here.” It wasn’t a whisper, it wasn’t sad, it was comforting. Like when you have lost your child in a crowd and someone says those words that calm you, “They’re here”. And I knew they were with him. There was a certain peace in the words. He was telling me they were safe and at peace with him now. On Army Guardian Angel duty.

Am I crazy? Maybe. Maybe I just so needed to hear it I did. Doesn’t matter… All I know for sure is they are there… where ever there is.

I will update this with a proper tribute to the two men as soon as DoD officially releases their names. In the meantime… send comfort to their families and honor them by taking care of their brothers still fighting in Afghanistan.

http://www.defense.gov/releases/release.aspx?releaseid=13722

The Department of Defense announced today the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

They died July 15 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when enemy forces attacked their unit with an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

Killed were:

Sgt. 1st Class John H. Jarrell, 32, of Brunson, S.C.

Sgt. Leston M. Winters, 30, of Sour Lake, Texas.

Take Luck Harding…I Miss You Son

Knottie — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 03:23:29 +0000

A few days after Micheal was killed we got a call from Iraq.. I knew the number was from Iraq I had spent the last months waiting for that 1191 to show up on my phone. I had to ask 3 times for the young man’s name. He was obviously emotional, PFC Mark Harding was on the other end. I knew the name. Micheal had mentioned him often. He was one of the three amigos. Fagan, Harding and Phillips.. the morale team. Self appointed. We spoke for some time. Both of us cried together both of us searched for the answer to why that day. He became my son that day.

Mark was one of the first to come to our home. He came for New Years 2009. My son David didn’t want to meet any of the guys. But he and Mark hit it off. You see Mark was one of those people you just had to love. I remember sitting with Mark at Ihop eating breakfast and having a conversation no 19 yr old kid should be having. I remember thinking his heart was too caring for infantry. He had so much love.

I have videos of Mark goofing off with my son and the other guys. I have pictures of his beautiful smile. I have cried with this young man. Laughed with him and sat in silence with him. He would call me and tell me about where he was in life. He had gotten out of the Army and had some difficulty adjusting back to civilian life. Just like most of the guys do. Last time I talked to him he was working and happy. Moving forward and living again.

Saturday may 30th 2010 just 15 days after his 21st birthday Mark was removed from life support. He had survived combat in Iraq, survived the demons of coming home only to sub come to a sinus infection. His family made the most difficult decision any family has ever faced. In his death he has saved the life of 7 people through organ donations.

When news came it spread quickly among his Army brothers. No one wanted to believe it. Everyone was heartbroken. Mark was the youngest and they all were protective of him but they also respected him. His brothers rallied and began to gather their pictures to share with the family. Others volunteered to gather a proper Class A uniform for him to be buried in and drive 14 hours to make sure it was there in time. Mark was that loved and respected.
I have lost another son.. my heart aches. Mark touched my heart. I am trying to find comfort in knowing that he missed Micheal as much as I do and that they are together. Heaven has two very special angels.. both my sons.

Take Luck Harding.. I love you. Hug Pokey for me.. and save me a place at the campfire.

How can you not love that smile?

Enjoy Your Vacation Mr. President

Knottie — Wed, 26 May 2010 01:29:53 +0000

Memorial Day is next Monday. It is a day to remember and honor those who have given the ultimate sacrifice in service of this nation. It is tradition that a wreath is laid at the memorial in Arlington each year .

I started quite the rant earlier this evening about how Pres. Obama is not going to be laying the wreath at Arlington on Memorial Day so he can go to Chicago and have a vacation.

I was infuriated when I read Pres. Obama was going to a family get together rather than Honor our Fallen as Commander and Chief. My first thought was “unforgivable”. Now I know he will not be the first President to not attend the wreath laying. But others had reasons that were not “vacations”. Then I thought about Pres. Obama’s treatment of our troops and it occurred to me that if he does lay the wreath it will be play acting as he has no gratitude for those who it is laid in Honor of. It would be fake and I don’t want that wreath laid for my son and his brothers and sisters by someone who so obviously despises everything my son stood for and died for.

Pres. Obama’s loathing of our troops has been evident from the very beginning of his presidency when he was the First President to skip the Inauguration night ball Honoring Medal of Honor Recipients in over 50 years. Then there was his punishment of Gen. Stanly McChyrstal for publicly outing the fact he had ignored our Military commanders request for more troops in Afghanistan by making them wait months for an answer which was simple. That cost more lives than we probably know. Then there is the treasonous Rules of Engagement imposed on our troops.

It would be the greats Honor of my life to lay that wreath. I would be humbled to simply attend the service. But you see I love those men. I may not know their names but I know them. They are my son’s brothers and they stood and died for the same Love of Nation he did.

Enjoy your vacation Mr. President. Someday I hope you realize you are free to do so because of the men you refuse to honor.In the meantime I am glad someone with an ounce of respect for our troops is laying the Wreath at Arlington this Memorial Day.

THANK YOU to those who lay in peace now.. Thank you so very much my dear sons and daughters

Happy Birthday Son

Knottie — Mon, 17 May 2010 06:01:48 +0000

Happy Birthday Son.. I really want to be baking your German Chocolate cake and making you chili mac like I had every year for your birthday. But instead today I will visit your graveside and leaving fresh flowers. And as I go on through the day I will try very hard to celebrate you and your life.

Happy 22nd Birthday Pokey.. I love you.
Mom

Grandbabies…

Knottie — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 02:36:06 +0000

For the past few days I have been crocheting a baby blanket for a friend of my son David’s soon to be here son. I love making baby blankets and such. But today for some reason working on it has opened the anger and hurt. I wonder what Micheal’s children would have looked like. What they would have smelled like. I want to hear their cries and laughter. I want to hold them and love them.

Two years after his death, it is a new thought to me that I not only lost my son but my grandchildren from him. I suppose because so many of his friends are getting married and starting families is why I am thinking of it now. I’m jealous of other Gold Star moms who have grandchildren to stay connected to their sons and daughters through their grandchildren. But at the same time I am so happy for them that they have that connection. It feels like all I have is memories and things. Oh I have his brothers and sister and his dad. I have his friends who still come around but it’s not a part of him…. And I do see them all as the blessings they are.

I was talking to my sister earlier about coming to terms with things in life. I to explained her we don’t have to like certain things or even accept them but we do have to come to terms with them. Not ever being able to see Micheal get married and not being able to hold his children is something I have to come to terms with. And part of that process is going to be sadness and anger. I am learning how this works far too well. It’s funny right after Micheal was killed I craved holding babies, it was healing to look upon new life. I still do. But there will forever be a part of me that grieves not only for my son but for his unborn children.

Marine’s Dad Ordered to Pay Funeral Protesters’ Court Fees (UPDATED)

Knottie — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 17:09:45 +0000

As an American I have always been sickened by the disrespect and cruelty of the behavior of Westboro Baptist Church. I will uphold their right to their opinion no matter how evil and sick I think it is but I cannot allow the picketing of Funerals.. Anyone’s funeral not just our military. Funerals are not for the dead but for the living and a very private personal time that should never been intruded upon.

Well a while back a Father of a Fallen Marine sued those who intruded upon his son’s funeral. And he won. But in an appeal the decision was overturned and now the group that protested his son’s funeral are to be paid legal fees by him adding insult to injury.(Story Below)

I am sending a donation in to help this Man. He has given enough to this nation… the very least we owe him is a few dollars to help with this.I have not confirmed this link to make donation at but it has come to me through reliable sources American Legion Burn Pit

Associated Press
Stars and Stripes online edition, Tuesday, March 30, 2010

BALTIMORE — The father of a Marine killed in Iraq and whose funeral was picketed by anti-gay protesters was ordered to pay the protesters’ appeal costs, his lawyers said Monday.

On Friday, Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit ordered Snyder to pay $16,510 to Fred Phelps. Phelps is the leader of the Westboro Baptist Church, which conducted protests at Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder’s funeral in 2006.

The two-page decision supplied by attorneys for Albert Snyder of York, Pa., offered no details on how the court came to its decision.

Attorneys also said Snyder is struggling to come up with fees associated with filing a brief with the U.S. Supreme Court.

The decision adds “insult to injury,” said Sean Summers, one of Snyder’s lawyers.

The high court agreed to consider whether the protesters’ message is protected by the First Amendment or limited by the competing privacy and religious rights of the mourners.

*** Kudos to Bill O’Reilly

No. 1 cable news host Bill O’Reilly said Tuesday that he will personally write a check to cover $16,500 in legal costs for the father of a fallen U.S. Marine who sued the members of a church who picketed his son’s funeral. ( Full Story)
Please write Mr. O’Reilly and thank him for this tremendous act. Words are cheap and Mr. O’Reilly truly stepped up!

Westboro Baptist.. You Know the Ones Who Picket Military Funerals

Knottie — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 23:23:30 +0000

Ok I have despised Westboro Baptist Church for years. anyone who can find glee in the death of a soldier or Marine is just sick in my humble opinion. They have the right to protest and to their opinions but there is a time and a place for everything and funerals are not it. For many years I stated that giving these jerks no coverage is the quickest way to shut them up since to me they are little more than attention whores. But there is a young man by the name of Jason Connell who has come up with a very positive way of striking back at these scums. Please watch this video and then if the Westboro jerks show up near you Implement his plan. If by chance they show up at a funeral then please be respectful of the family but find a way to do as Jason suggest.

Dear Pres. Bush….

Knottie — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 03:13:36 +0000

I was not going to post this but decided maybe I should. It is a letter to Former Pres. George W Bush.

Dear Pres. Bush,

I’ve put off writing this letter for two years but two events this week have made me see that I truly need share my words. One was walking into the middle of an anti-war protest; the other was receiving a beautiful gift that honored my Fallen son.

Thank you. Thank you for being a strong Commander and Chief of this nation. My son, Spc Micheal Phillips served under you and respected you a great deal. On 24 Feb 08 he was killed in the line of duty in Iraq. I will not go into the details as they are not necessary nor what I want to share with you. You see I choose to celebrate my son’s life and the man he was and the gifts (his brothers in arms being the most precious of those gifts) he left behind for me. I honor him not by mourning but by taking care of his brothers in arms still serving, their families and those who come home, especially our wounded. I have seen you do just that and when I hear the stories of your visits to our wounded and their families I feel you are honoring my son too. Again Thank You.

At 17 years of age my son knew why we had gone to fight this war on terror. He loved studying history and was well educated in it. He saw through his studies how the attacks of terror had grown more and more bold over many year while far too many appeased or ignored them. He saw the abuse of the people of Iraq and was infuriated by it. You see my son hated bullies more than anything and he saw the terrorist as the ultimate bullies.

Earlier this week when I walked into the middle of a war protest, I was not prepared to face, I realized how much you have faced over the years. It strikes me that as emotional as seeing it was for me you too had to have had a similar reaction to the hateful angry words spewed unfairly at you. In that moment I realized I needed to thank you and assure you that as a military parent I understand why you made the choices you did as President and I still support those choices.

Someday I would like to shake your hand and thank you personally. I would also like to share with you a little about my son and who he was. I would like to tell you about his brothers in arms and how 2 years after my son’s death they still call Momma Ang and share their love and lives with me. I lost one son and gained a company of sons to help fill the hole in my life. As much as I miss my son and hurt for him I am that proud of him and the job he did. And I am proud to say he served under a Commander and Chief who was as strong as he was and who understood the American values and the Humanity of having to take on this fight.

This was not your war. This was not America’s war.. this was and is Humanity’s war. Hopefully more people will understand that soon. I fear for us all if they do not.

Respectfully,

Angelia Phillips
Gold Star Mom of
SPC Micheal “Pokey” Phillips
KIA 24 Feb. 2008
Shulla, Iraq
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