Knottie's Niche» son

“An Ugly Pair of Shoes”

Knottie — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:31:51 +0000

“An Ugly Pair of Shoes”

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

Iranian Bounties On US Troops Shouldn’t be a Shock

Knottie — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 02:46:37 +0000

The headline this morning was Iran pays Taliban fighters in Afghanistan $1000 per head to kill U.S. soldier My first reaction was “No kidding” but as the day goes on and I see more and more people posting this headline and reacting in shock I became more and more annoyed. I want to know where these people have been for the past 7 years while Iran was funding, training, proving fighters and weapons to kill our troops in Iraq. It gets better though.. Iran bankrolls Hezbollah and Hamas too. Shocked? I’m not.

Where was the outrage last year when Obama released Qais Khazali ? Who is Qais Khazali you ask… “Qais Khazali is best known as the former leader of the Iran-backed Special Groups in Iraq from June 2006 until his capture by American forces in March 2007. As head of the Special Groups, Khazali directed arms smuggling, formation of death squads to participate in sectarian violence, kidnappings, and assassinations, most notably the January 20, 2007 attack on American forces in Karbala. A former follower of Moqtada al-Sadr, he was expelled from the Mahdi Army in 2004 for giving “unauthorized orders,” subsequently forming Asa’ib Ahl al-Haq. As head of the Special Groups, he reported to Hajji Yusif, deputy commander of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard’s Quds Force, Department of External Special Operations.” (Wikipedia ) His work in setting up the Iran Iraq connection was key bringing in EFPs (explosive forced projectiles ) to the Sadr City and Shulla Iraq areas, where my son was killed. Yes the Iranian connection is very personal for me.

Why did Pres. Obama release him? Well he traded him for a British journalist that the British government refused to negotiate with terrorist for. Full story on that here: So much for the US not negotiate with terrorist huh? Pres. Obama not only negotiated he gave them back one of their key bad guys who is responsible for so many deaths of our troops.

For years now I have spoken out about how Iran government is funding the majority of terrorism we battle in the world today. especially their role in Iraq. They have been funding the murder of our military men and women for years and for people to be shocked and surprised by today’s headline makes me wonder how we are going to stop this growth of terror and jihad if something like this can go on for years and now just now people are taking note.

Yes Iran is paying bounties on our troops. This is not new information or even a new mode of operation for Iran. But I guess for most Americans it means we may end up in a war with Iran and that is just scary to them… well guess what, we are at war with Iran and have been for many years. I am mad as hell that Iran is putting bounties on our troops. But I’m not surprised. I am a little surprised that this is just now becoming headline news. It’s disappointing that American’s are so out of touch with what our troops face and fight every day.

What keeps playing in my head is that now that we have drawn down in Iraq, Iran will become more powerful there. The Shias will most assuredly be funded by Iran and once again the people of Iraq will fall under evil and sadistic rule like the people of Iran face daily. My only hope is we can have their backs enough in the coming years to help them stand up for themselves and fight for the freedom to live life without fear. I hope my son and all the others did not sacrifice in vain. The only way we can truly win this war is to face the realities of it.

Mahdi fighters funded by Iran in Iraq

Pokey and the Packers…

Knottie — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:24:08 +0000

Sitting here watching the Green Bay Packers play I can’t help but think about Micheal. The last night we spent with Micheal we watched the Packers play. Oct.7^th 2007 They played the Bears.. I can’t remember who won. I just remember he and his Dad and his brothers in my dad’s living room on the edge of the couch watching the game.

Many months later his team Leader Sgt W would tell me that during playoff in Jan. 08 he was up in the middle of the night alone watching TV..

“Hey Phillips, why aren’t you sleeping?”

“It’s the Packers”

As if that explained everything.

I laughed when the story was told me. I can see him alone in the TV room at the FOB in Iraq watching the playoff game.. yelling at the play. Micheal was such a huge Packer fan. I guess that comes from the years of living in Green Bay just a few blocks from Lambeau field. And I am sure watching them play was a connection to home for him.

Honestly there is not much in life that doesn’t in some way bring back a memory or remind me of Micheal but certain things really open the flood gates of emotions and make the emptiness and missing him palatable. Most of the time I can watch the Packers and be ok. Tonight however I miss Micheal very much. I wish he was here with me yelling at the TV and cheering the Packers on.

In an odd way watching the Packers play is a small connection to Micheal no one can ever take from me. Someday I will go back to Green Bay and watch the Packers play live. Not sure how but when I do I will find a way to honor Micheal and leave his mark on Lambeau field.

Go Pack Go.

Footnote:

It just occurred to me.. I am going to ask the Packers to all wear a rubberband on their wrist in memory of Pokey and all his Fallen brothers during one game this season.

Take Luck Harding…I Miss You Son

Knottie — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 03:23:29 +0000

A few days after Micheal was killed we got a call from Iraq.. I knew the number was from Iraq I had spent the last months waiting for that 1191 to show up on my phone. I had to ask 3 times for the young man’s name. He was obviously emotional, PFC Mark Harding was on the other end. I knew the name. Micheal had mentioned him often. He was one of the three amigos. Fagan, Harding and Phillips.. the morale team. Self appointed. We spoke for some time. Both of us cried together both of us searched for the answer to why that day. He became my son that day.

Mark was one of the first to come to our home. He came for New Years 2009. My son David didn’t want to meet any of the guys. But he and Mark hit it off. You see Mark was one of those people you just had to love. I remember sitting with Mark at Ihop eating breakfast and having a conversation no 19 yr old kid should be having. I remember thinking his heart was too caring for infantry. He had so much love.

I have videos of Mark goofing off with my son and the other guys. I have pictures of his beautiful smile. I have cried with this young man. Laughed with him and sat in silence with him. He would call me and tell me about where he was in life. He had gotten out of the Army and had some difficulty adjusting back to civilian life. Just like most of the guys do. Last time I talked to him he was working and happy. Moving forward and living again.

Saturday may 30th 2010 just 15 days after his 21st birthday Mark was removed from life support. He had survived combat in Iraq, survived the demons of coming home only to sub come to a sinus infection. His family made the most difficult decision any family has ever faced. In his death he has saved the life of 7 people through organ donations.

When news came it spread quickly among his Army brothers. No one wanted to believe it. Everyone was heartbroken. Mark was the youngest and they all were protective of him but they also respected him. His brothers rallied and began to gather their pictures to share with the family. Others volunteered to gather a proper Class A uniform for him to be buried in and drive 14 hours to make sure it was there in time. Mark was that loved and respected.
I have lost another son.. my heart aches. Mark touched my heart. I am trying to find comfort in knowing that he missed Micheal as much as I do and that they are together. Heaven has two very special angels.. both my sons.

Take Luck Harding.. I love you. Hug Pokey for me.. and save me a place at the campfire.

How can you not love that smile?

Remembering on Memorial Day

Knottie — Sat, 29 May 2010 21:50:31 +0000

A few days ago I received a message from an Army medic.

Angelia.. I tried so hard not to make memorial day a day for Moms to have to remember. I tried really hard to make sure it was a day their sons and daughters came home to see them, not the other way around. I just feel like crap this time of year.

It tore my heart out because I know to him he is seeing Memorial Day as a mark of his failures. I want nothing more than to make him understand that he never failed. He did it all perfectly and yes there were those who died but not because he did not do his job well, perfectly, but because sometimes they were just too broken to fix.

I know he and many others who served are not only remembering our Fallen this weekend but wrestling with their demons and yes even remembering the times of laughter and brotherhood. I hope they will focus on the memories of laughter and make Memorial Day a day more about celebrating those we lost and the lives they lived even as we mourn them. Even in death they are touching lives if we celebrate them and share their stories.

I went to the cemetery today to visit my son and place the proper 6 flags for a Fallen soldier that are placed for Memorial Day. I hate that I know these traditions now but I am also grateful there are such traditions. I know that now that my son is one who is to be remembered on Memorial Day the meaning of the day is more powerful to me than ever before.

Yes there will be BBQs and get togethers. There will be laughter and fun.. there will be celebrations. I only ask that while you enjoy these celebrations think of those who served.. those who wrote a check to this nation payable up to and including their lives. Remember they gave their tomorrows for your today.

Honor and Remember those who have gone before us in protection of all those things we hold dear in this Nation.

If you can save for them a place inside of you and save one backward glance when you are leaving for the places they can no longer go. Be not ashamed to say you loved them, though you may or may not have always. Take what they have taught you with their dying and keep it with your own, and in that time when men decide and feel safe to call the war insane, take one moment to embrace those gentle heroes you left behind. ( Via Chris Hill)

Enjoy Your Vacation Mr. President

Knottie — Wed, 26 May 2010 01:29:53 +0000

Memorial Day is next Monday. It is a day to remember and honor those who have given the ultimate sacrifice in service of this nation. It is tradition that a wreath is laid at the memorial in Arlington each year .

I started quite the rant earlier this evening about how Pres. Obama is not going to be laying the wreath at Arlington on Memorial Day so he can go to Chicago and have a vacation.

I was infuriated when I read Pres. Obama was going to a family get together rather than Honor our Fallen as Commander and Chief. My first thought was “unforgivable”. Now I know he will not be the first President to not attend the wreath laying. But others had reasons that were not “vacations”. Then I thought about Pres. Obama’s treatment of our troops and it occurred to me that if he does lay the wreath it will be play acting as he has no gratitude for those who it is laid in Honor of. It would be fake and I don’t want that wreath laid for my son and his brothers and sisters by someone who so obviously despises everything my son stood for and died for.

Pres. Obama’s loathing of our troops has been evident from the very beginning of his presidency when he was the First President to skip the Inauguration night ball Honoring Medal of Honor Recipients in over 50 years. Then there was his punishment of Gen. Stanly McChyrstal for publicly outing the fact he had ignored our Military commanders request for more troops in Afghanistan by making them wait months for an answer which was simple. That cost more lives than we probably know. Then there is the treasonous Rules of Engagement imposed on our troops.

It would be the greats Honor of my life to lay that wreath. I would be humbled to simply attend the service. But you see I love those men. I may not know their names but I know them. They are my son’s brothers and they stood and died for the same Love of Nation he did.

Enjoy your vacation Mr. President. Someday I hope you realize you are free to do so because of the men you refuse to honor.In the meantime I am glad someone with an ounce of respect for our troops is laying the Wreath at Arlington this Memorial Day.

THANK YOU to those who lay in peace now.. Thank you so very much my dear sons and daughters

Happy Birthday Son

Knottie — Mon, 17 May 2010 06:01:48 +0000

Happy Birthday Son.. I really want to be baking your German Chocolate cake and making you chili mac like I had every year for your birthday. But instead today I will visit your graveside and leaving fresh flowers. And as I go on through the day I will try very hard to celebrate you and your life.

Happy 22nd Birthday Pokey.. I love you.
Mom

Trip To the Air Show and Down Memory Lane

Knottie — Tue, 04 May 2010 00:59:26 +0000

Yesterday we loaded up and drove a few hours to the Altus OK air show. It has been years since I went to an air show and I was looking forward to it. Not so much for the aircrafts but from the demonstrations they put on.

Now the day started off with me running into one of my good friends in Army recruiting and getting big hugs so as you can imagine it was a good day. My youngest son had never been to an air show so he was very excited. He loved sitting in the cockpits and “pretending” to fly the different planes and helicopters. When the parachute demo started he didn’t take his eyes off the sky. The sheer joy and wonderment on his face reminded me of many years ago and the first time we took Micheal to an air show. The same look was on his face too. I think that was when Micheal fell in love with airplanes. And like Micheal who was able to spot an airplane when it was nothing more than a dot in the sky Anthony was able to locate and point out the parachutist before most of us.

At one point the Thunderbirds Commander swore ina group of new Air Force recruits. It was very cool watching these young people make a commitment to this country and themselves. I was so proud of them all.

We met another young soldier from Ft Sill and I must say I was extremely impressed with how polite and together he was. He represented the Army in the best possible light a soldier could. He and I chatted for a few minutes and I was thoroughly impressed. I didn’t tell him about Pokey but in a small way this young man reminded me of my son. He was smiling the whole time and obviously proud of the work he was doing. I tried to get a hold of his commander today and give him kudos.

The thunderbirds flew and amazed us all with their skills and as I stood and waited to get a commemorative book I allowed myself to travel memories lane… I let myself for the first time that day truly think about those days when Micheal was so very little not more than 2 or 3 and how much he loved days like yesterday. I got a little teary so I did not stay to have the men of the Thunderbird team sign my book. Or tell them that a show put on by the team 19 years ago made one little boy love military aircraft and that love would lead to a love of history which would lead to a love of Country and a soldier being made…

I wonder where Anthony’s love of the parachutist will lead?

( Tomorrow .. Kittehs..)

Marine’s Dad Ordered to Pay Funeral Protesters’ Court Fees (UPDATED)

Knottie — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 17:09:45 +0000

As an American I have always been sickened by the disrespect and cruelty of the behavior of Westboro Baptist Church. I will uphold their right to their opinion no matter how evil and sick I think it is but I cannot allow the picketing of Funerals.. Anyone’s funeral not just our military. Funerals are not for the dead but for the living and a very private personal time that should never been intruded upon.

Well a while back a Father of a Fallen Marine sued those who intruded upon his son’s funeral. And he won. But in an appeal the decision was overturned and now the group that protested his son’s funeral are to be paid legal fees by him adding insult to injury.(Story Below)

I am sending a donation in to help this Man. He has given enough to this nation… the very least we owe him is a few dollars to help with this.I have not confirmed this link to make donation at but it has come to me through reliable sources American Legion Burn Pit

Associated Press
Stars and Stripes online edition, Tuesday, March 30, 2010

BALTIMORE — The father of a Marine killed in Iraq and whose funeral was picketed by anti-gay protesters was ordered to pay the protesters’ appeal costs, his lawyers said Monday.

On Friday, Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit ordered Snyder to pay $16,510 to Fred Phelps. Phelps is the leader of the Westboro Baptist Church, which conducted protests at Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder’s funeral in 2006.

The two-page decision supplied by attorneys for Albert Snyder of York, Pa., offered no details on how the court came to its decision.

Attorneys also said Snyder is struggling to come up with fees associated with filing a brief with the U.S. Supreme Court.

The decision adds “insult to injury,” said Sean Summers, one of Snyder’s lawyers.

The high court agreed to consider whether the protesters’ message is protected by the First Amendment or limited by the competing privacy and religious rights of the mourners.

*** Kudos to Bill O’Reilly

No. 1 cable news host Bill O’Reilly said Tuesday that he will personally write a check to cover $16,500 in legal costs for the father of a fallen U.S. Marine who sued the members of a church who picketed his son’s funeral. ( Full Story)
Please write Mr. O’Reilly and thank him for this tremendous act. Words are cheap and Mr. O’Reilly truly stepped up!

Anti-war Protests…Next Time Just Slap me

Knottie — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 23:32:20 +0000

It’s one thing to hear about or even see pictures and video of something, it’s something completely different to actually experience it. I have read about anti war protest.. I’ve seen the videos and pictures. .. and yes they were upsetting. I have listened to others talk about their experiences at antiwar protest and thought I understood how bad they were… but it was not until this past Saturday that I truly understood how devastating they are to the families of the Fallen.

Saturday was our 6^th day of vacation in California. ( great vacation by the way) and we decided to go to Santa Monica Pier. We started with the promenade and did a little shopping. We enjoyed the street performers and was having a really nice time.. till we hit the pier. Not sure why but I knew something was up. I felt it. I looked down on to the beach when we hit the pier and there it was.. the anti war protest.. hundreds of crosses.. the flag draped coffins. I knew somewhere down there in the mist of it my son’s name was on one of the crosses. I felt as if someone had slapped me and punched me in the gut. My first instinct was to go down onto the beach and confront those putting this display on. I thought better of it. I knew if I did in the emotional state I was in I would end up in jail and those asshats were not worth it.

I wanted to go and ask those holding this event if they could name just one name on the crosses they displayed. I wanted to know if they cared so much for the Fallen if they ever considered the affect on the families of those who they claimed to care so much about. I wanted to ask if a single penny they raised went to take care of my son’s brothers or their families.

I knew my son better than anyone and I know he would have been mortified to have his name used in such an manner. I was physically affected seeing this anti war protest. It is an experience I never want to go through again but I know I will. And I know that in the future I need to be prepared to deal with it in a less emotional manner.

Fact is these anti war protesters who say they care so much about the troops don’t give a shit about them. If they did they would take in consideration the people those who serve loved and who love them. All I can say to them is next time you want to hurt the families of the fallen just slap us.. it hurts less.