About a year and a half ago I got the burr to bring the sign home. I would soon find out my son’s LT had already made the arrangements and in fact the sign was in the US at Ft Riley. The FOB it once was on had been dismantled and the Iraqis had taken control of the security in that area.. a success.  ( BTW the Iraqi’s  took over the JSS one year to the day after my son was killed. )

I then began the next step of the mission of getting the sign home to the 1-502^nd and my son’s military family. It was not made for me but for his brothers and as much as it honors him it honors them also. About a year ago the sign got to Bravo Co with the help of a 1SG and Col. and a very very kind CSM.

At that point the sign was entrusted to Micheal’s Platoon Leader  Sgt. Les Fuller.  Sgt. Fuller took it home and began the job of staining and polyurethane coating the sign to preserve it. Well today sgt Fuller finished the work on the sign. And it is  GORGEOUS.. He and LT  Watrin have truly honored my son.

Now we have one step left  in the journey of this memorial to my son.. to get the barracks at Ft Campbell named for my son and the sign hung.  No that is not true.. two steps are left.. I need to touch this sign.. I need to run my fingers along the letters.  Then we can hang it and name a barracks.

I shouldn’t visit his grave and talking to people for a documentary trying to explain this young man to them.  How do you explain who a person was.. How unique how special how individual… in words. Hearing about Micheal is not going to ever be the same experience as meeting him.  But we will try. We will honor him through our memories and stories. And maybe someone will hear his story and try to be a better person in life to honor him.  Or at least be grateful to be an American who had someone like him fight and die for them.

Tonight I build the walls to get me through tomorrow. This year we have one of his brothers in arms with us.  And we will all sit and tell stories and look at pictures and celebrate Pokey. There will be hurt, sadness, laughter, tears and this year anger.

I miss you my sweet son..

When I began the project I had no idea how emotional it was going to be. I was just cleaning after all. No big deal.. Its almost as if I kept them all handy just in case he came home (or I woke up) and I could show him how loved and missed he was. But it hit me that he will never read the kind words.. he will never need his swim trunks  or backpack again.. But its been nearly three years and its time for our bedroom to be ours again. Not a storage room. I will forever have the memorial table in the livingroom and I will keep the very special pesonal affects in the chest the Army had made for us.

I suppose I am doing this now because of a few reasons.. one is the  New Year is upon us and I want to start it off fresh with a new attitude.  Its time for me to fully focus on moving forward and stop hanging on to the pain…time to make my grief a companion and not a burden. Also my second oldest son got married a few days before Christmas. He and his wife have reminded me of the importance of seeking joy and hope.  I know they will have struggles but I also know that struggles help us grow and appreciate the blessings in our lives all the more.  Losing Micheal was and still is my hardest struggle.. but I need to focus on the blessings and lessons of it. Not just the pain of it.

So the bedroom is cleaned out.. and some of my daily reminders are packed away.  The pain is still with me and always will be but the heavy burden of allowing it to clutter my life is some what lifted.

Over the past few days I have read and heard great glee from people about the counter protest..But when I asked these people what was the soldier’s name they can’t answer… You see Sgt McCluskey was forgotten and lost in it all.  It became a “Look what we did” travesty.

I’ve been the family who had to worry and wonder if the lunatics from Westboro would show up. (And yes they did show up but my town had an ordinance that required a protest permit 14 days in advance and they did not get perform their abuse on my family.  It also lead them to find a State law around all similar local ordinances. )  I now wonder if the counter protesters behavior is any better.  There is a core of people in these groups who understand that this is not a battle or a show it is about allowing the families to grieve in private and with dignity.  But there is now a much larger element whom are just there to react to these lunatics. And in their reaction to Westboro Baptist Church they behave no better.

It’s shameful to have allow this young heroes funeral to become such a circus of bad behavior.   So I am asking those who set out to “protect” the families of our Fallen Heroes in the future.. please ask yourself if you are responding in a dignified and honorable manner or are you just being the same kind of attention whore as Westboro Baptist church?

Rest in Peace Jason James McCluskey.. Take luck my Soldier son.. Someone remembers, Someone cares, Someone whispers your name in their prayers

Where was the outrage last year when Obama released Qais Khazali ? Who is Qais Khazali you ask… “Qais Khazali is best known as the former leader of the Iran-backed Special Groups in Iraq from June 2006 until his capture by American forces in March 2007. As head of the Special Groups, Khazali directed arms smuggling, formation of death squads to participate in sectarian violence, kidnappings, and assassinations, most notably the January 20, 2007 attack on American forces in Karbala. A former follower of Moqtada al-Sadr, he was expelled from the Mahdi Army in 2004 for giving “unauthorized orders,” subsequently forming Asa’ib Ahl al-Haq. As head of the Special Groups, he reported to Hajji Yusif, deputy commander of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard’s Quds Force, Department of External Special Operations.” (Wikipedia )   His work in setting up the Iran Iraq connection was key bringing in EFPs (explosive forced projectiles ) to the Sadr City and Shulla Iraq areas, where my son was killed.  Yes the Iranian connection is very personal for me.

Why did Pres. Obama release him? Well he traded him for a British journalist that the British government refused to negotiate with terrorist for. Full story on that here:  So much for the US not negotiate with terrorist huh? Pres. Obama not only negotiated he gave them back one of their key bad guys who is responsible for so many deaths of our troops.

For years now I have spoken out about how Iran government is funding the majority of terrorism we battle in the world today. especially their role in Iraq.   They have been funding the murder of our military men and women for years and for people to be shocked and surprised by today’s headline makes me wonder how we are going to stop this growth of terror and jihad if something like this can go on for years and now just now people are taking note.

Yes Iran is paying bounties on our troops. This is not new information or even a new mode of operation for Iran. But I guess for most Americans it means we may end up in a war with Iran and that is just scary to them… well guess what, we are at war with Iran and have been for many years.  I am mad as hell that Iran is putting bounties on our troops. But I’m not surprised.  I am a little surprised that this is just now becoming headline news. It’s disappointing that American’s are so out of touch with what our troops face and fight every day.

What keeps playing in my head is that now that we have drawn down in Iraq, Iran will become more powerful there. The Shias will most assuredly be funded by Iran and once again the people of Iraq will fall under evil and sadistic rule like the people of Iran face daily. My only hope is we can have their backs enough in the coming years to help them stand up for themselves and fight for the freedom to live life without fear. I hope my son and all the others did not sacrifice in vain.  The only way we can truly win this war is to face the realities of it.

Mahdi fighters funded by Iran in Iraq

Many months later his team Leader Sgt W would tell me that during playoff in Jan. 08 he was up in the middle of the night alone watching TV..

“Hey Phillips, why aren’t you sleeping?”

“It’s the Packers”

As if that explained everything.

I laughed when the story was told me.  I can see him alone in the TV room at the FOB in Iraq watching the playoff game.. yelling at the play. Micheal was such a huge Packer fan.  I guess that comes from the years of living in Green Bay just a few blocks from Lambeau field. And I am sure watching them play was a connection to home for him.

Honestly there is not much in life that doesn’t in some way bring back a memory or remind me of Micheal but certain things really open the flood gates of emotions and make the emptiness and missing him palatable. Most of the time I can watch the Packers and be ok. Tonight however I miss Micheal very much.  I wish he was here with me yelling at the TV and cheering the Packers on.

In an odd way watching the Packers play is a small connection to Micheal no one can ever take from me. Someday I will go back to Green Bay and watch the Packers play live.  Not sure how but when I do I will find a way to honor Micheal and leave his mark on Lambeau field.

Go Pack Go.

Footnote:

It just occurred to me.. I am going to ask the Packers to all wear a rubberband on their wrist in memory of Pokey and all his Fallen brothers during one game this season.