My daughter was 14 the day she came home from church to the news her brother had been killed. Her wail of “NO Not Pokey. They made a mistake” will haunt me forever. The sheer raw pain of her cry was shattering. I would wonder for a long time if that wound would [...]]]>

My daughter was 14 the day she came home from church to the news her brother had been killed. Her wail of “NO Not Pokey. They made a mistake” will haunt me forever. The sheer raw pain of her cry was shattering. I would wonder for a long time if that wound would ever heal.

What I have learned from my daughter since that moment is to “continue steadfastly”. To move forward through the most painful moments and to continue to find joy in life. Sometimes I think we as adults forget that it is still ok to have joy even though we have endured so much pain. And that in fact that we should.

It should not have been surprised me when she told me that her motto was “continue steadfastly”. It was how she has lived her life and how she has shown us to live ours. As I look back over the past few years I see that is exactly what this family has done. We’ve done it in our own time and ways but we’ve all continued steadfastly. We have persevered. And we have learned ways to do it from each other.

She has over the years learned to deal with the grief as we all have. It’s there… she, like us, still hurts. But she carries it with grace and dignity. She has a maturity about her that very few 18 yr olds have.

I watch my daughter as she prepares to graduate high school and move to the next chapter of her life. I see her get so frustrated with other kids her age because they just don’t understand the priorities of life like she does. I remind her on occasion that she has learned lessons that few her age have had to and no one should at her age. While they are worried about the others talking about them she is worried about putting together a plan to get through college without debt. While they are planning the next kegger she is planning her career.

She knows the value of life, the cost of liberty, and the importance of continuing steadfastly. She lives her life in a manner that those who are wise will see these lessons and learn them also.

Early on a wise lady warned me about Mother’s Day. She had lost her son to a drunk driver. Her husband had handed me the folded flag and said the words “On behalf of a Grateful Nation” with tears in his eyes. So the first Mother’s day without Micheal I was sort of prepared, if [...]]]>

Early on a wise lady warned me about Mother’s Day. She had lost her son to a drunk driver. Her husband had handed me the folded flag and said the words “On behalf of a Grateful Nation” with tears in his eyes. So the first Mother’s day without Micheal I was sort of prepared, if that is possible. I had put up a huge emotional wall and tried my best to not think about what the day was.

This is my 5th Mother’s Day without Micheal. I came home from work to a dozen peach colored roses, chocolates and the excited news that my daughter was going to make my favorite dinner. ( She did pretty darn good too) As I sit here reading Mother’s day wishes from men who served with my son or whom I have met my being “Momma Ang the Combat Mom” I miss Micheal… I miss his “HELLO MOTHER” but I also know I am very blessed.

Micheal sent me a short sunny rain shower this year. I got off work and had just changed into comfy clothes when my youngest came and told me. “It’s raining for you Mom” I think he knows when the rain and storms are from Micheal too. I know that sounds odd but sometimes we just know the storm is Micheal saying “Hello” Like that day our Grandson was born… As soon as we were told he had arrived the thunder started and we all knew Micheal was celebrating with us.

I have wonderful kids.. all four of them make me proud. My son David is married and a great father. For a young man who had no desire to be a Dad he sure has taken to the role.
My daughter Barbara is preparing to go off to college in a few short months. No longer a little girl but a beautiful young lady. And my Anthony… as tall as me now and striving to reach the goals that are so simple for most of us.

It would be so easy to focus on what I don’t have and miss out on what I do.

Thank you Mr. Beaurline

By: Jeff Beaurline

As promised… I just walked into [...]]]> I came across this on facebook… I have credited the man who did this and shared it originally What he doesn’t know that in his honoring Lt. Murphy he has comforted a Gold Star mom who sometimes wonders if the “Grateful Nation” exists.

Thank you Mr. Beaurline

By: Jeff Beaurline

As promised… I just walked into a local pub (PUB 25, Newtown, CT) and asked to speak with the Owner/Manager. I asked if I could leave a cold one on the bar for Michael all day . I showed him the “Reserved” sign I made and explained I wanted to leave him sufficient funds to buy a random person a Guinness every hour today, and that when the surprised patron asks him “Who is this from?” he should reply: “It’s from LT Michael P. Murphy.” and point to the reserved sign. The Owner/Manager was so in tune with this small gesture, he refused my money, introduced me to two men working in the PUB who just returned home from Afghanistan and Iraq with the ASSURANCE that my request on Michael’s behalf would be honored. God Bless America!

Lt. Michael Murphy, Medal Of Honor Recipient

After work today a few of the girls and I went out to have a birthday drink for one of our co-workers. Now the Birthday Girl has become like a daughter to me and I think the absolute world of her. Anyway.. as I was sitting there laughing and chatting with these wonderful ladies [...]]]>

After work today a few of the girls and I went out to have a birthday drink for one of our co-workers. Now the Birthday Girl has become like a daughter to me and I think the absolute world of her. Anyway.. as I was sitting there laughing and chatting with these wonderful ladies I realized how long it has been since I had friends I could just go out and laugh with.

See the day after Micheal’s funeral the “vacuum” happened and everyone who had once been in my life was no longer there. No more calls to see if I wanted to go for coffee or a drink. No more monthly girls night out. No more calls just to see how I was doing. The handful of “friends” I had had showed their true colors and bolted on me when I needed them the most.

So here I am four years later. I have made a few friends online that I think the world of but since they all live in different states and sometimes countries its hard to get together and just let my hair down.

I sat there this afternoon with 3 amazing ladies laughing and talking… when I suddenly found myself on the verge of tears because it had been so long since I had had girlfriends to just go hang out with. I knew going back to work would be mentally healthy for me. I had hoped to meet people but I honestly never thought I would find people I thought of as friends. I am glad I have.

On Feb. 24th 2008 my son, Spc. Micheal “Pokey” Phillips gave his life for freedom. I tell people often to not dwell on that day and how he died but to dwell on how he lived. One thing Micheal often did was to give blood and the gift of life. This year to [...]]]>

On Feb. 24th 2008 my son, Spc. Micheal “Pokey” Phillips gave his life for freedom. I tell people often to not dwell on that day and how he died but to dwell on how he lived. One thing Micheal often did was to give blood and the gift of life. This year to honor how he lived we are holding the first annual “Spc. Micheal ‘Pokey’ Phillips Memorial Blood Drive”

Yes this started as a local event but many people across the world have come to me saying they would give where they are in his memory. So I am asking you to give the gift of life to honor a man who gave the gift of his life for others. Please help keep other families from facing the painful path of losing a loved one.

If you do choose to give the gift of life in Micheal’s memory I ask you to please take a picture of yourself giving blood and share it either here or on his facebook group page http://www.facebook.com/groups/105142352947202/

Locally we had a total of 146 people sign up to give and a total of 87 units of blood donated. Each unit potentially saves 3 lives. I am still tallying the number of those who gave in other areas. THANK YOU all for honoring our Pokey by giving.

I often hear people speak about how proud they are to be an American. Well I’m humbled to be an American. I’m humbled to be a mother and wife. I am humbled to be able to write and have others read my words. Too often we get so caught up in our pride that we [...]]]>

I often hear people speak about how proud they are to be an American. Well I’m humbled to be an American. I’m humbled to be a mother and wife. I am humbled to be able to write and have others read my words. Too often we get so caught up in our pride that we forget to appreciate what we have and be humbled by it.

Only in America does a woman such as myself have the freedom to chose to be a stay at home mom or have a career or both. Only in this amazing Nation do I have a voice that is equal to all others. When I put my pride down long enough to truly look at where I live I am HUMBLED. Humbled by the prosperity and liberty of this nation. Humbled that so many people of different mindset and beliefs can work side by side. Humbled that I can blog my thoughts and others feel they are worthy of reading.

I have been heard often saying I am a proud Army mom. But again when I put my pride aside I become humbled to be a part of such a honorable group. I am humbled that in return for my son’s service I was embraced by some of the most caring and honorable men and women in the world. I humbled that they call me one of their own. It rocks me to the core to realize that just by reaching out in my love for my son I was embraced. Truly humbling is that these men and women, who serve our Nation in the military, do not know me personally or you personally yet they put their lives on the line daily to protect our rights and freedoms. Stop and think about that.. be humbled that perfect strangers are willing to do this for you.

I am humbled to have been blessed with children who will have opportunities that other young people in the world will never have. They were give the chance to get an education that offered them the tools to grow and become who they are. Education is a tool that every single American is given and how you use that tool, what you put into determines what you will take from it. It is humbling that we are all given this precious tool. It is sad so many are so proud they forget to invest themselves in it.

I am humbled that jobs are available. Oh it may not pay as much as you want or you may not like your job but the work is there. It is humbling that we have the means to provide for ourselves. It is humbling to know that the harder I am willing to work the more benefits I will get.

I’m humbled to know that is my family becomes ill that I can seek out medical care for them. Yes there is the hassle of insurance paperwork and a bill will have to be paid but the care is there. Medication is a few blocks away. I don’t have sit by helpless watching those I love sick or suffering. It’s humbling to know that help is available. Even to those who will struggle to pay the bill for it.

I’m humbled to have a government that I have a voice in. I don’t like a lot of the things my government does but where else in the world can I speak out in dismay and not fear questioning my government. I can vote. I have a say. I may be out numbered by my fellow Americans in that vote but in the end I got my say. Not only that I can call my representatives and voice verbally to them how I feel about the job they are doing. It’s humbling to realize my representatives are a phone call or fax away.

Yes I am humbled to be an American. For when we allow pride to guide us we do not appreciate the true blessing of what we have. We forget to tend it, care for it and protect it… and then we begin to take it for granted. All our freedoms, all our liberties, all our blessings are lost to greed, envy and gluttony when we are not humbled by them. We become lazy in our vigilance of these blessings and fall to false values.

Today do not be a proud American .. be a humble one.

The holidays are here and with them my moments of deep sadness and great joy. I guess in a way I am grateful for the sadness because it means my love for Micheal is still alive and that for too short of time I was blessed to have him in my life. I tell [...]]]>

The holidays are here and with them my moments of deep sadness and great joy. I guess in a way I am grateful for the sadness because it means my love for Micheal is still alive and that for too short of time I was blessed to have him in my life. I tell his friends “Don’t Cry because its over Smile because it happened” Well I am doing both.. I smile because my son’s life happened and it touched so many lives… but I cry because it was over too soon.

This will be our fifth Thanksgiving with an empty seat at our table.

The first one Micheal was in Iraq. I remember he told me that he had not even realized it was Thanksgiving day until someone had said something on the radio. They had been on a mission. He also said it had been a “very bad day” and he would tell me about it when he got home. I never did find out what had happened that day.

I truly try to “count my blessings” this time of year. Not that I am not grateful every day for the many blessings in my life. Even with the pain and emptiness of losing Micheal we have things and people to be grateful for. I could list the people who have come into our lives but I fear two things if I try to do that… one; I will leave someone out and two; this blog post would reach about 30,000 words. So I shall keep in some what general….

I am grateful for my family who came together to hold each other up. We have each had our dark days and we have each leaned on each other to share the strength of our family.

I am grateful for all those who serve. whether I have met them our not they are my family. Those who knew my son (if even only on that fateful day in those final moments) who have embraced us and allowed us to become their friends and remain in their lives mean so much more than word can express to me. They have truly keep me sane and given me some purpose. They have taught me that as long as I can care for those who serve I am honoring my son in the most important way Our Fallen can be honored.

I am grateful to those people in Iraq and Afghanistan who have taken up the fight on their own behalf and denounced the evil done in the name of their faith. They prove to me that my son did not die for not. That he helped plant the seeds of hope and freedom and encouraged those people to fight for the freedom so many here in the US take for granted.

I am grateful for all the arguing and bickering here in the US because it proves we are still free and can disagree without fear of being hung by our government.