The holidays are here and with them my moments of deep sadness and great joy. I guess in a way I am grateful for the sadness because it means my love for Micheal is still alive and that for too short of time I was blessed to have him in my life. I tell [...]]]>

The holidays are here and with them my moments of deep sadness and great joy. I guess in a way I am grateful for the sadness because it means my love for Micheal is still alive and that for too short of time I was blessed to have him in my life. I tell his friends “Don’t Cry because its over Smile because it happened” Well I am doing both.. I smile because my son’s life happened and it touched so many lives… but I cry because it was over too soon.

This will be our fifth Thanksgiving with an empty seat at our table.

The first one Micheal was in Iraq. I remember he told me that he had not even realized it was Thanksgiving day until someone had said something on the radio. They had been on a mission. He also said it had been a “very bad day” and he would tell me about it when he got home. I never did find out what had happened that day.

I truly try to “count my blessings” this time of year. Not that I am not grateful every day for the many blessings in my life. Even with the pain and emptiness of losing Micheal we have things and people to be grateful for. I could list the people who have come into our lives but I fear two things if I try to do that… one; I will leave someone out and two; this blog post would reach about 30,000 words. So I shall keep in some what general….

I am grateful for my family who came together to hold each other up. We have each had our dark days and we have each leaned on each other to share the strength of our family.

I am grateful for all those who serve. whether I have met them our not they are my family. Those who knew my son (if even only on that fateful day in those final moments) who have embraced us and allowed us to become their friends and remain in their lives mean so much more than word can express to me. They have truly keep me sane and given me some purpose. They have taught me that as long as I can care for those who serve I am honoring my son in the most important way Our Fallen can be honored.

I am grateful to those people in Iraq and Afghanistan who have taken up the fight on their own behalf and denounced the evil done in the name of their faith. They prove to me that my son did not die for not. That he helped plant the seeds of hope and freedom and encouraged those people to fight for the freedom so many here in the US take for granted.

I am grateful for all the arguing and bickering here in the US because it proves we are still free and can disagree without fear of being hung by our government.

Infantrymen have a pride and arrogance [...]]]> I read this on facebook and it hit home. I am in no way playing down the roles of other MOS’s in the military but there is just something special about those who volunteer for Infantry. I have a special place in my heart for my 11bravos… Take Luck Sons.

Infantrymen have a pride and arrogance that most Americans don’t understand and don’t like. Even soldiers who aren’t infantrymen don’t understand. The pride doesn’t exist because we have a job that’s physically impressive. It certainly doesn’t exist because it takes a higher level of intelligence to perform our duties. It’s sad and I hate to admit it, but any college student or high school grad can physically do what we do. It’s not THAT demanding and doesn’t take a physical anomaly. Nobody will ever be able to compare us to professional athletes or fitness models. And it doesn’t take a very high IQ to read off serial numbers, pack bags according to a packing list, or know that incoming bullets have the right of way.

The pride of the infantryman comes not from knowing that he’s doing a job that others can’t, but that he’s doing a job that others simply won’t. Many infantrymen haven’t seen a lot of combat. While that may sound ideal to the civilian or non-infantry soldier, it pains the grunt. We signed up to spit in the face of danger. To walk the line between life and death and live to do it again – or not. To come to terms with our own mortality and let others try to take our life instead of yours. We have raised our hands and said, “Take me, America. I am willing to kill for you. I am willing to sacrifice my limbs for you. I will come back to America scarred and disfigured for you. I will be the first to die for you.”

That’s why the infantryman carries himself with pride and arrogance. He’s aware that America has lost respect for him. To many he’s a bloodthirsty animal. To others he’s too uneducated and stupid to get a regular job or go to college. Only he knows the truth. While there are few in America who claim to have respect for him, the infantryman returns from war with less fanfare than a first down in a high school football game. Yes, people hang up their “Support Our Troops” ribbons and on occasion thank us for our service. But in their eyes the infantryman can detect pity and shame; not respect. Consider this: How excited would you be to meet the average infantryman? Now compare that with how excited you’d be to meet a famous actor or professional sports player and you will find that you, too, are guilty of placing the wrong people on a pedestal. You wouldn’t be able to tell me how many soldiers died in the war last month, but you’d damn sure be able to tell me if one of the actors from Twilight died.

Yet the infantryman doesn’t complain about that. He continues to do his job; to volunteer his life for you, all while being paid less in four years than Tom Brady makes in one game.

It’s a job most Americans don’t understand, don’t envy, and don’t respect. That is why we have pride for the infantry.

Experts say its time. We did a good thing and the Iraqi people will flourish. I hope they are correct. I worry about the [...]]]> The Iraq war is over. I hope for good but I have my lingering fears that my grandchildren may have to return and finish something we have failed to.

Experts say its time. We did a good thing and the Iraqi people will flourish. I hope they are correct. I worry about the “terps” and their families. I hope they face no brutal retaliation for helping free their nation.

I think my one of my fears is that now our Fallen and wounded from Iraq will be forgotten. I saw signs of that when the news shifted to Afghanistan. Iraq? We are still at war there? But then majority of this nation sadly is unaware of what we really did in Iraq and what we are doing in Afghanistan. After all it hasn’t cut into their TV or shopping.

A part of my son will forever be tied to Iraq. And I hope that this withdrawal puts me one step closer to going to the nation he helped free. I someday want to touch the soil he took his last breath on. Feel his spirit in it and to see the light of hope and freedom in the eyes of the people he both hated and cared about. And he did… he hated that they were fighting over control of each other. He hated their violence but yet he met Iraqi people who made him smile and laugh. I could see it in his eyes as he danced with the Iraqi police officers being silly and making the best of a horrible situation. He loved the children. He spoke often of the little kids…

Three Iraqi girls giggle as they watch Iraqi and U.S. Soldiers perform a routine search of their house and surrounding land during a joint patrol in Shula, Iraq, on June 19, 2008. The U.S. Soldiers are part of 3rd Platoon, Bravo Company, 2nd Brigade, 502nd Infantry Regiment. (DVIDSHUB)

I have asked Combat soldiers who served in Iraq their thoughts and got the same mixed reactions I have in my own heart and head. People have asked me how I feel and I can’t honestly answer because I truly don’t know how I feel. Its not like I wanted this war to go on forever but I truly don’t want to fail and just pull out because a date on a “agreement” says we have to. I know we did great things in Iraq. But did we let the roots of freedom take a firm enough hold. I guess in the years to come I will know whether we were done or if we needed to stay a little longer.

April 8, 2003 Jubilant residents of Najaf cheer on soldiers of 2nd Brigade, 101st Airborne Division

To the Iraqi people… I wish for you freedom and joy. I hope you take this gift of a new chance and make it into a happy life for your children and grandchildren. I hope you never allow your faith to be used to enslave and brutalize you again. Live free and knowing that Our Military did come to bring you peace. That they wanted for you want they want for their own families.

To Americans…. Be grateful for the freedoms and opportunities you have. Because if you are not it may be the Iraqis who have to return the favor and come free us from our own ungrateful greed induced oppression.

To All Those who served in Iraq… Thank you. You did a good thing. Be proud.

Pokey, My dear sweet son… The war in Iraq is over. The people there have the seeds of freedom and the tools to make those seeds grow. You and you ‘brothers’ did good son…

5 yrs ago yesterday I sat in the US Army recruiting office with my son. The Recruiter had his paperwork ready… a signature and he was on the path to joining the Army. “You are joining the US Army ina combat MOS. We are a nation at war. You will be [...]]]>

5 yrs ago yesterday I sat in the US Army recruiting office with my son. The Recruiter had his paperwork ready… a signature and he was on the path to joining the Army. “You are joining the US Army ina combat MOS. We are a nation at war. You will be deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan. You will see combat. Do you understand this?” “Yes Sir” and he was then allowed to sign. I was proud of him. He was 17 at that time so I and his father signed also. Some people think that if I could go back I wouldn’t sign now… but I would. It’s what he wanted. It was an honorable path to take in life. He invested his life coin in so much.

Today is Gold Star Mothers and Family day.
Each year on the 4th Sunday of September, the United States president is requested to issue a proclamation to: call on US government officials to display the nation’s flag on all government buildings; and to call on people to display the flag and hold appropriate meetings at homes, churches, or other suitable places on Gold Star Mother’s Day to publicly express the love, sorrow, and reverence those who are Gold Star mothers and their families.

This year Pres. Obama proclaimed this day Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day. While mothers are often centered out in remembering our Fallen the families are also grieving and have made the same sacrifices as the mother. All too often the fathers, siblings, grandparents and other extended family members are forgotten and left in the background. I hope that in the years to come the families will continued to be recognized in such a manner.

Many people have marked the day with kind words, luncheons and candle lightings. The Media is notably quiet but even that does not surprise me. What did surprise me is how few blogs who claim to support the military acknowledged this day. Only one of the dozen or so I visited. It truly brings home my son’s First Sgt’s words.

“I think a lot of people are willing to put a bumper sticker on their car that says ‘I support the troops’ but numbers show, less than two percent of Americans serve in the military. In the end, some gave all
and some bought a bumper sticker.” – Rick Skidis

Well going to spend time with my family [...]]]> Last Wednesday I headed to Indiana for my sister’s wedding. She was a beautiful bride and I even like my new brother in law even if he is not a Packers fan. Spent time with my family and had a very good time.

Well going to spend time with my family put me about 3 hours from my “combat family” at Ft. Campbell. So Monday I made the drive. I meet my dear friend Kelli ( who admits she thought I was insane the first time she talked to me on the phone) at the front gate and we drove to the Company my son had served in. I should have known something was up when she took my camera as we walked into the building. There is sat… the sign I had waited so long to touch. It had been hand made in Iraq and placed on the barracks to honor my son. It found its way back to the US when the FOB was dismantled to Ft. Riley. After several phone calls and a few emails to a CSM it finally made its way to where it belongs…. Bravo Company 1-502nd. I have wanted to touch this sign since Easter of 2008.

I took a few minutes to trace each letter with my fingers and feel the roughness of the wood. I asked for a sharpie marker and wrote a message to my son on the back. It was at point I realized several men were watching me. I looked up to find Sgt. Reese who had served with my son and one of the few left of his team at the Company, the Company Commander, the Company First Sgt. , the Battalion Command Sgt. Major and Battalion Commander. Quite the reception and I was touched and honored that these very busy men would take a moment for me.

I was told about the new Wall of Honor the Company was creating with pictures of all of our Fallen and how above the lockers where everyone would see it every day the sign from the FOB in Iraq would be hung. I had hoped a barracks at Ft. Campbell would be named for my son but I am content that the sign is home in the Company.

So the last step has been made… the sign is home where it belongs and I have gotten my moment with it. I should feel closer but some how I feel like I am missing something in this. But as I have learned… the answers come when I am ready for them.

On the morning of 9-11-2001 I woke up to “The World Trade Center got hit by a Plane.” I stopped to watch a minute or two of the news then went on to make breakfast and get my kids off to school… shortly after they were gone I laid down with my husband to [...]]]>

On the morning of 9-11-2001 I woke up to “The World Trade Center got hit by a Plane.” I stopped to watch a minute or two of the news then went on to make breakfast and get my kids off to school… shortly after they were gone I laid down with my husband to watch the news coverage. “Was it on purpose or an accident?” The second plane hit as soon as I asked the question. We sat stunned for a minute… “That answers that question.” “We’re at war. This is our generations Pearl Harbor”

My husband had just come home from a 12 hr shift at work so he soon had to sleep. I spent the day watching the coverage…fighting every motherly urge I had to go get my kids and hold them close to me. I would go out and update the ladies who worked in the school cafeteria throughout the day. (we lived across the street from the school back then)

The images the media showed that day will haunt me for the rest of my life. My kids would come home one by one that afternoon. The youngest was home all day with me then but he was too young to comprehend why mom was sitting on the edge of the couch with tears streaming down her face. My daughter came home first… she hugged me and went to play. Only in 2nd grade she understood something bad had happened but she would not feel the impact on her own life that day. David and Micheal came home next. They were pissed and demanded to know “Who did it? Are we gonna kill them back?” Micheal whispered the word that I would later understand was his turning point in life. “Bullies” I think he made up his mind then he would join the military. Over the next few years he would consider other paths but in the end.. he had “Go stop the bullies.”

Every year as we remember 9-11 and those who perished that day, Gold Star families across our nations have similar stories to my own… it was a day that years later would change their lives in a very personal and most painful way.

Our sons and daughters would go off to fight this enemy who attacked us that September morning. And as we remember that day there comes moments when our pain becomes so overwhelming we cannot take part in the memorials and tributes so many present. It’s not that we don’t care.. we just hurt too much.

We mourn for the 2,973 men and women killed in the attacks that day and also for the 6026 men and women who have died to keep another such attack from happening to the US again.

This morning we left bright and early to make the 3 hour drive to Stillwater, OK to pay our respects to Spc. Jordan Morris I will admit this was fear on my part about going. I had not attended a funeral since Micheal’s let alone a Military funeral.

About 45 minutes down the [...]]]>

This morning we left bright and early to make the 3 hour drive to Stillwater, OK to pay our respects to Spc. Jordan Morris I will admit this was fear on my part about going. I had not attended a funeral since Micheal’s let alone a Military funeral.

About 45 minutes down the road a van got into our “blind spot” on the freeway and just seem to stay there for the longest time. When they did pass the gentleman in passenger seat gave us a double thumbs up then a gesture of Thank you as he pointed to the back of our car. We have a Memorial sticker remembering Micheal on my car so I took that gesture of support as a good sign… some people do care and I could do this.

We finally made it to Stillwater and found the High school where the service were to be held and just down the street the PGR staging area. We stopped at the staging area and meet up with a few people who we know and meet some facebook friends for the first time. We then decided it would be best to stand with those who had come out in quiet support rather than attend the actual service. And that is what we did.

Once at the flag line was in place we approached a young Army specialist and asked him to pass on a card of condolence and support to the family which he reassured us he would be honored to do. He recognized the small gold star pin I wore and hugged me. We spoke with him for a few minutes and then we went and stood with the many others in quiet respectful support.

Tonight a family is holding each other close and trying to face tomorrow without the one piece of their heart who was laid to rest today. In the days, weeks, months and yes even years to come I hope Jordan’s family will come to find the support we have. The blessings of Jordan’s Brothers in Arms. And the knowledge that leaning is not weakness but sharing strength. And I hope others will understand that this will not heal for them.. but their journey will be made easier with understanding and not expectations.

I read the facebook status of one of my combat sons last night and knew there would be bad news this morning. I never imagined how bad. He expressed his anger but like the honorable soldier he is never broke opsecs. I read the headline first thing this morning and my heart shattered. [...]]]>

I read the facebook status of one of my combat sons last night and knew there would be bad news this morning. I never imagined how bad. He expressed his anger but like the honorable soldier he is never broke opsecs. I read the headline first thing this morning and my heart shattered. I knew that 31 families would receive that horrible knock this day.

There is a part of me that wants to go to these families..hold their hands and protect them from the pain that no one can protect them from. I know there is no true comfort to be given at this point. But yet I want to try.

I want to know the names and the stories of these men’s lives. Somehow the words Honor, love and hero seems to sums them all up…. There is more to each of them but they all held those qualities. That is just a given.

So as I sat on the porch looking at the moon, “talking” to my own son an imagine came into my head.. My son and the sons and daughters of many of my Gold Star friends shaking the hands of those who lost their lives today.. Welcoming them “Home” on the other side of the veil. And for just one second each of the 31 looked back… and then they join their brothers and sisters. Complete and at peace.

And then I read the interwebs… and my ire is raised. People have forgotten that our military is made up of REAL PEOPLE. We should honor these men and women… they are the most honorable and selfless among us. They are not political props or pawns to be used to bash you political opponent. Their deaths should not be used to create conspiracy theories. These were men.. who loved and laughed and cried and gave all so that we may live free and in safety. Respect them… respect their families. They did not die in vain.. they died for what they believed in, Freedom and liberty.

Take Luck to those who gave all today. I promise to honor you in the only way I know how.. by continuing to support your brothers and sisters in arms and taking care of your families as best I can. Thank you…

Every once in awhile someone will mention something in passing and it will set me off on one of my “missions”.

Recently while talking to one of the most amazing Marine wives I know she mentioned that a recently widowed lady asked that only an “Official DoD photograph” be taken of her husband’s return to [...]]]>

Every once in awhile someone will mention something in passing and it will set me off on one of my “missions”.

Recently while talking to one of the most amazing Marine wives I know she mentioned that a recently widowed lady asked that only an “Official DoD photograph” be taken of her husband’s return to Dover. Well this got me thinking.. Is there an “Official DoD Photograph” of my son’s return? And if so how do I get a copy? Not sure why this became a mission but it did… So I emailed Dover… within hours I received a response.

Ms. Phillips,

I regret to inform you that no images of your son’s return exists.

Department of Defense policy forbade official photography of the Fallen from late 2003 to April 2009.

V/r

I’m disappointed. I knew about media being barred from Dover but I didn’t realize there was no documentation at all of the return of some of our Fallen. I’m disappointed that there is no photo but at the same time a part of me knows that Dover was not for the family.

To me Dover is about our Fallen coming home to their military family. It is the place the military basically says goodbye to them. They care for them one last time before they taken them home to their families.

I found out shortly after Micheal was killed that everyone who works are Dover AFB mortuary service are volunteers. They ASK for the honor of taking care of these men.. of cleaning them and tailor making their uniforms.. of making sure every ribbon is perfect. The comb their hair.. manicure their nails.. cleaning their personal affects and make sure they are honored to the fullest extent of the military. And they ask for this job.

I wish I could personally thank every man and woman who works with Dover AFB Mortuary Team. They are amazing people who do duty that is more important than words can express. They bring a comfort to the families that sometimes even the families do not understand.

I think this mission of mine has served as a reminder that sometimes we should be grateful for people and the job they do.