Last night within 15 minutes I had 5 people ask me if I was ok. They got the standard “Yep I’m always ok” answer but it got me wondering if it was that obvious that something has been up with me. And yes it has. It’s called the month of May ( yes I am aware it is now June) May is a difficult month for me. It is one reminder, date and milestone after another. Mother’s day, Micheal’s birthday and Memorial Day. It also the month Micheal was suppose to be home for R&R. The last conversation I had with him was about May and his R&R. In past years my emotional rollercoaster ride (well plunge) has scared people out of my life so I have learned to build up the walls and distance myself. I guess I did it a little too well this year.
As we left May and began June the heavy cloud has not quite lifted. Of course that probably has less to do with my hurt over Micheal and more about life testing me at every turn. I was hurt pretty bad the day before Micheal’s birthday. When I am hurt or sick I tend to be even more emotional so this was not a good equation. I spent Micheal’s birthday in tears. Not something I am proud to admit because as I say so often I do not cry. At least not often and never publicly. ( Yes Combat son I know tears wash the soul and are not weakness)
Anyway.. after so many being concerned about whether or not I am ok and asking why I have been so distant I thought I owed a few of you who noticed that yes I truly am ok..it’s just one of those times I really really don’t want to be and am working on refocusing myself to get back to my mission.