My Companion… Grief

She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts.  ~George Eliot

I have spent over 2 and a half years reading quotes looking for that  one pearl of wisdom that will make it ok. I read this quote some months ago and at that time I thought I had achieved this.. or something close to it. At least I presented to the world that I had and if you tell a lie enough you begin to believe it yourself.  I at least realized that I needed to make my grief and hurt a companion because it will be with me for all my days.  Lately though as I talk to other Gold Star parents and widows I wonder if this is truly possible.. can we make grief our companion? Does this hurt ever become something of a comfort to us?  I have to wonder that if we ever stop hurting, does it mean we have forgotten?  And if that is true should we not embrace the grief and its pain, make it our companion and find comfort in it on some level?

So here I sit at nearly 1 in the morning.. missing my son terribly and reading the comments of other mothers who are enduring the same pain for their own sons and daughters as my mind wonders to trying to find some possible answer to how to live with this never ending pain. Trying to find some words of comfort for them also and the I only conclusion I can come to is that we need to embrace the pain and grief.  Find comfort in it and accept it as our companion. Let it share our thoughts and know that it will be with us always.  And because the grief and pain is with us our love for the one we have lost is with us … they are with us and they too our companion and sharer of our thoughts.

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5 Responses to My Companion… Grief

  1. Mark Edmiston October 9, 2010 at 11:54 pm #

    Although the subject ..grief a truly sad thing ..this is a very good blog entry …it brings the reader inside ..and gives the reader a sense of what your life has been like the past three years ..I think this article would be somewhat comforting to all gold star parents , widows and widowers ..although I make no claims to fully understand all the grief, anger and pain that parents or wives or husbands feel ..when they get that letter and knock upon the door ..that your loved one has paid the ultimate sacrifice defending our nation ..I personally will pray for all the gold star parents …husbands and wives ..and keep them all in my thoughts from this day forward… ..

  2. HCG October 12, 2010 at 6:46 pm #

    Hmm. I see exactly what you mean. Hey, do you happen to have an RSS feed? I’m trying to subscribe so I can get updates. Let me know.

  3. A Soldier's Mother November 10, 2010 at 11:20 am #

    There’s an amazing book I read a few years back called, “The Blessings of a Broken Heart.” It was written by Sherri Mandell after her son Kobi was murdered by Palestinian terrorists/shepherds as he hiked with a friend about 600 meters from his home. It’s an incredible book. I heard her speak a few months ago. She talked about what she called “sudden bereavement” – and living with the pain. There is so much of what she says in what you write. And as I’ve seen here with parents who have lost sons…I think companion is an interesting concept – yes, it truly becomes a part of who you are. One parent said they wanted to set a seat at the table for their grief that it was so much a part of who they were, so much a part of the family. I am always and forever touched and amazed to read your blog. God bless you and your family and may you find comfort in your memories of Micheal and the great love I know he carried with him all his life.

  4. Fozzy May 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

    I understand what you are saying.. The despair and grief are always floating inside somewhere.. like a trained animal, I think the years start to make it more controllable, but as raw and wild an animal it always has been, the best trainer can be attacked and injured by their animal. We are in control until it decides that we should not be. It seems then that the struggle to retrain this thing starts all over.

  5. Heidi May 23, 2011 at 4:15 pm #

    Hi Ang,
    I am sure you know through some of our talks that my mother lost my father in Vietnam and then my little sister to a drunk driver. I am not sure she ever lived with her grief, she fought it, pushed it down and tried to make it disappear and somehow it completely destroyed her. I won’t even insult you with saying I have any way to even remotely know what you live with everyday. I do know that you get up every day and try to find some way in your life to do something good for one of your soldier sons and others in the military, and that mean a lot. If it gives you comfort to do that, you are using your grief to propel you to do good. I can’t put in words what a wonderful human being you are. But I know you strive to make a difference, I am sorry it had to come at such an unbelievable price to your family.
    Love and ((((HUGS))))

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