She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts. ~George Eliot
I have spent over 2 and a half years reading quotes looking for that one pearl of wisdom that will make it ok. I read this quote some months ago and at that time I thought I had achieved this.. or something close to it. At least I presented to the world that I had and if you tell a lie enough you begin to believe it yourself. I at least realized that I needed to make my grief and hurt a companion because it will be with me for all my days. Lately though as I talk to other Gold Star parents and widows I wonder if this is truly possible.. can we make grief our companion? Does this hurt ever become something of a comfort to us? I have to wonder that if we ever stop hurting, does it mean we have forgotten? And if that is true should we not embrace the grief and its pain, make it our companion and find comfort in it on some level?
So here I sit at nearly 1 in the morning.. missing my son terribly and reading the comments of other mothers who are enduring the same pain for their own sons and daughters as my mind wonders to trying to find some possible answer to how to live with this never ending pain. Trying to find some words of comfort for them also and the I only conclusion I can come to is that we need to embrace the pain and grief. Find comfort in it and accept it as our companion. Let it share our thoughts and know that it will be with us always. And because the grief and pain is with us our love for the one we have lost is with us … they are with us and they too our companion and sharer of our thoughts.