Making it All Better…

As parents we want nothing more than to protect our kids. When they are hurt we want to be able to kiss the boo-boo put a bandaid on it and send them off to play with and " all better". I use to sing the boo-boo song ot my kids which they hated but it took their mind off the whatever injury they had and was an almost instant heal for minor boo boos.

When are kids are seriously sick or hurt we feel helpless and would give nothing more than to take on their pain for them so they don’t have to suffer it.  But we can’t. And for me that helplessness is increased because I am suffering the same pain as my three younger kids. We all hurt for the loss of Micheal. I can’t heal it for them I can’t carry it for them. And I know that like me this is one injury that will never heal for them.

I  watch helplessly as they all express their pain in their own ways.  And I learn from them as they each find a way to cope with it. I worry most for David though because he hasn’t yet quite found his way to cope that is healthy. I wish I could just hug him and sing a stupid song and take his mind off it. Or put a band-aid on it and send him off into life “all better”.  But I know that somewhere in him the loss of his brother and best friend is always there aching. And I know he hasn’t quite found a way to cope with that pain.

A part of all of us are stuck in that moment when the words were spoken and we knew Micheal was gone from us. I will always remember David’s quiet pain. Barbara’s cry of ” No it’s a mistake” and Anthony’s confusion. It’s a moment none of can erase. It’s a hurt we can not heal. But as a mom I want nothing more than to kiss them and make it all better.