It’s been bugging me for a while. The flowers on Micheal’s grave were in need of replacing. I don’t go out there as often as maybe I should. It’s very hard for me to go. But then it’s hard for me not to go. I want to visit Micheal at his barracks room not his graveside. I miss him so damned much. I couldn’t find the black silk roses I usually buy and mix with white ones. The local store that carried them, doesn’t anymore. I was told by an other store it would be Halloween before they carried them. So today I went and bought some dark red silk roses with white baby’s breath and took them out to the cemetery. It was hard to not take him his black and white roses. It just didn’t seem right. He so loved the checkerboard black white thing. I managed to find one black and one white rose that were out there that were in good enough shape to add to the red ones. His pinwheel was missing. I’m sure the strong winds from recent storms carried it off. I will have to get a new one.
It’s funny the little things I feel I have to do for Micheal. The black roses, the rubberband and even the pinwheel. Outside looking in some would not understand and may even find it insulting. I mean how many people would get that Micheal loved black. It was his favorite color and that the black roses are not an insult. The pinwheel even few would get. There is a picture from Iraq that inspired that. I had printed the picture out and had it sitting in the livingroom for weeks before I saw the pinwheels on the headlights of the Humvee. And then the picture of Micheal playing with those pinwheels showed up. And I knew that he had put them on the Humvee and drove it with those on it. That was confirmed when listening to his guys stories. Command wouldn’t let him actually leave the camp with them on the Humvee though. But for one day he had pinwheels to be silly with. I don’t know who sent those pinwheels but I am grateful to them. Who ever they are they sent my son a smile in the shape of a pinwheel.