Well Thursday morning I received a phone call from the Sargent who was suppose to deliver the report. He was not going to be able to make it until Friday due to a family emergency. Trust me for us family always comes first so this was in no way a problem. When I realized this man was going to drive a 4 hour round trip to hand me a report I felt really bad so I made arrangement for it to be picked up be some people I trust who were going to be going to Ft Sill where this gentleman was.
The report finally made it to our hands Sunday morning… it sat on my husband’s desk unopened till later that evening. My husband “had to read it”. I found him sitting quietly alone in the office reading it. When he was done he told me he did not recommend I read it. He says there is nothing in it we don’t know or haven’t figured out but it reopens the wounds. But he has made of couple of statements that have my mind reeling. Like how hard my son’s brothers fought that day to “protect Micheal”. It wasn’t until February I realized they were taking incoming fire. Reading it has obviously upset my husband and he is having a difficult time processing it and dealing with the re-opened wounds.
I know there are things we know that aren’t in that report. The fact that Micheal’s First Sgt never let go of his hand and comforted him isn’t in it. Micheal turning to him and smiling and saying “hey 1SG” isn’t in it. What my son spoke to the surgeon isn’t in it. the hundreds of people who came to the graveside and mourned for my son with us isn’t in it.
I’m still not sure when or if I will ever read it. But it’s now tucked away where it is out of sight and I hope that will help get it out of my husband’s mind.