“Do we still set his plate? Do we still set his chair? Do we still buy him gifts and if we don’t did we not care?” ~ Winter by Bayside
The holidays are here and as much as I thought I was prepared I’m not. Thanksgiving has come and gone and we are now counting the days until Christmas. Last year I had two trees in my livingroom. The family tree with the ornaments collected and made over the years and a silver tree with red and blue balls on it and a yellow ribbon to top it. I called that one Pokey’s tree. He spent Christmas in Baghdad waking up the barracks and blessing his brothers with a candy cane.
This year I am not sure what to do. Part of me wants to skip the shopping and decorating and all those things Christmas. Just hearing the carols playing over the speaking today broke me. But Pokey loved Christmas. He loved the lights and the cookies. He would be the first one to break out the Christmas carols and movies. Mannheim Steamroller was his favorite.
I know we will have Christmas, we have a young one who needs it, but it’s the damned empty stocking hanging with Pokey’s name on it that is killing me inside. It’s the chocolate cover pretzels I make every year that Pokey loved and the ornaments he made I will hang. He is here in the middle of it all but not here, at the same time. And I just can’t seem to balance it in my heart. And I am mad as hell about it. He should be here.. sneaking cookies and peeking under the tree.